Accountability Sucks

I was with a group of friends last night, and we were discussing goals for ourselves, and there was some discussion about self-care, health and I said that I would like to make changes to that. I've been really frustrated lately with how I've been treating myself, and I deserve better. I joined Weight Watchers in October 2008. I had lost as much as 16.6 pounds which got me my award for losing 5% of my body weight. But since then (March) I've been steadily going up, up, up and am now a mere 2.6 pounds less than I was 7 months ago. I guess I could reframe that as gratitude that I didn't gain it all back, or that I didn't gain weight from where I started. And yes, those are good things. But it's not good enough for me. I've mentioned before that I participate in a Weight Watchers (unofficial) message board called Bootcamp Buddies and about a month ago I signed up to join their "Biggest Loser" challenge. They don't vote anyone out like on the show, but it's just people grouped into 3 groups (red, blue and black teams) and we see who can lose the most weight. No prizes, but we support each other in the process. So I forgot I had signed up for it, which began June 1. So last week I gave them the last weigh-in number from my last meeting (279.6) and I haven't even tried this week to be on program. I normally go to meetings Tuesday, so I was due today to give my first weigh-in for the challenge. I have a free pass I could use, but decided I wanted to be accountable. Well, I've decided accountability sucks - LOL! - as I've gained 3 pounds, which brought me to that measly 2.6 overall loss. I didn't even want to stay for the meeting (and I didn't) and my first thought was to go downstairs to the lobby and visit Coldstone Creamery (ice cream) for lunch. Fortunately, common sense set in and I walked past Coldstone (phew!) and stopped at the supermarket on the way back to the office for a low-point sushi roll. Then I heard myself making excuses for why my next week will be really bad too because I'm flying out of town and am stuck eating hotel food, yada, yada. That's just bullshit. Sure, I won't be in full control of my food situation when you're eating out of a hotel room. But really now, what menu doesn't have a healthy food choice? Even fast food has them. There's no one with a gun to my head saying "you're out of town so you must eat chicken fried steak" and the like. Right? So my plan for the coming week is to think about the food that I put into my body. I have choices I can make. I will stop at PCC (health food store) tonight and buy some healthy snacks to pack with me so I have no excuses for "having" to eat junk. If I do, it'll be a choice. The hotel also has a fitness center. Okay, so maybe the accountability sucked, and having to admit that I'm out of control, but if it spurs me into some action, then maybe it's a good thing ultimately. Let's see how I do while I'm away. I'll consider it a victory if I simply don't gain. But I wouldn't be adverse to a loss either! :)