Body Image Insights

In one of the comments, Kristina recommended this article from the Washington Post called Watch What You Eat, Yes. But Also Watch What You Say and Do Around Your Daughter. The article talks about mothers passing on negative body image messages to their daughters - essentially that they are more likely to tell their daughters (directly or indirectly) about a body part they hate, as opposed to what they like. This made me think about my own childhood and image messages. I grew to be very tall at a very young age - I was my full adult height of 5'8" by the age of 8. So, obviously, I weighed more than your typical 8 year old. My doctor, however, was very narrow-minded and told my parents that no 8 year old should weigh more than 100 pounds and I needed to diet. In looking back at old photos, I realize that I absolutely was NOT fat. But my parents were the type to believe that doctors were gods, and if a doctor said I was, well he was the expert. So I spent my adolescence being told that I was "less than." That my sister was better than me because she was thinner. Having food taken away from me. An aunt of mine was like a warden - offering dessert-type foods to my siblings and then telling me I couldn't have any because I was too fat. When she bought me my Communion dress, I couldn't have a beautiful bride-like dress like most girls; she bought me a plain, ugly dress, because fat girls couldn't wear a pretty dress like the one I wanted. I did have one male relative (that same aunt's husband) who told me I was beautiful the way I was and to ignore them. But one lone voice wasn't enough to drown out all the people - mostly women - telling me that I was less than everyone else. My mother was overweight, as was my grandmother (my father's mother). They would tell me that they criticized my weight because they cared and they didn't want me to to suffer the same fate as them. But it didn't feel like love, what they did to me. It's really no surprise I grew up to be fat. I'm defiant by nature, and if somebody tells me not to do something then, so help me, I want to do it. So they put me on a diet and I ate anyway. They had me on medication to suppress my appetite. I ate anyway. It took me many years of therapy to overcome the damage they did to my self-esteem and body image. One really cool thing I did several years ago was to create what I call my "inner child bear." I went to the Build A Bear Workshop and bought what I thought was the most beautiful stuffed animal. They sell fancy clothing for the animals. I bought a wedding dress that reminded me of the Communion dress I couldn't have and put it on the bear. And before I stuffed it, I bought a voice-recording box for it. I recorded my own voice telling me that I was beautiful and special and wonderful and that I loved me very much. So now when I feel down, I can hug my bear, squeeze her hand (to activate the voice) and she will repeat those words back to me in my own voice. I think everyone should have an Inner Child Bear! I do not have any children. But when I do have interactions with children, I definitely am mindful of the damage that words can have on someone. Sadly, my mom isn't around to talk about these things now - she died when I was 12. I know she did the best that she could at the time. And I know that I am responsible for what I do with myself now and can't forever blame my parents for it. But it is enlightening to think about the effects we can have on those around us.